To celebrate the paperback publication of My Favourite Mistake in February, Marian is embarking on a 4-city ‘An Evening with Marian Keyes’ event tour and will be appearing at venues in London, Bristol, Glasgow and Liverpool!

 

FANE London: An Evening with Marian Keyes

Sunday 9^th February, 7.30-9.30pm

Royal Geographical Society London, SW7 2AR

Tickets: https://tickets.artist-tix.com/tickets/series/MKRGS25/an-evening-with-marian-keyes-1294546?startDate=02-09-2025

 

FANE Bristol: An Evening with Marian Keyes

Monday 10^th February, 7.30-9.30pm

St George’s Bristol, BS1 5RR

Tickets: https://tickets.artist-tix.com/tickets/series/MKStGHB25/an-evening-with-marian-keyes-1296766?startDate=02-10-2025

 

FANE Glasgow: An Evening with Marian Keyes

Saturday 15^th February, 7.30-9.30pm

Old Fruitmarket, Glasgow, G1 1NQ

Tickets: https://tickets.glasgowlife.org.uk/34801/34802?_gl=1*1hyn0wm*_ga*NTUxNDUyODAzLjE3MzI1NTc1NTc.*_ga_EJCZGCLF54*MTczMzY4ODU0NC40LjAuMTczMzY4ODU1MS41My4wLjA.&queueittoken=e_ccfest2025launch~ts_1733854024~ce_true~rt_safetynet~h_236460fa36a0740290ab64d75756d4d8696dc652e326ad825417f2e1a868cd71

 

Linghams and Booka Bookshop Liverpool: An Evening with Marian Keyes

Monday 17^th February, 7-8.30pm

St George’s Hall, St George’s Place, Liverpool L1 1JJ

Tickets: https://linghams.co.uk/event/an-evening-with-marian-keyes-at-st-georges-hall-17th-feb-2025/

 

Exciting news!

BBC to air new drama The Walsh Sisters, based on novels by acclaimed author Marian Keyes

The series revolves around the chaotic, dysfunctional but deeply loveable Walsh family of five sisters, a devout mother and a bemused father.

Read more here.

Discover the Grown Ups family tree

Discover the Walsh family tree

2022!
Bridge Lessons!
Now You’re Asking!
Again, Rachel!

Hello and I hope you’re all well and that January is not too miserable for you. Which leads me directly to the subject of New Year’s Resolutions. If you’ve made any and have already lapsed, will you hear me out on the subject? See, I sincerely believe that almost every one of us is doing our best on any particular day. That’s not to say that our best (I should say ‘my best’) isn’t always something to boast about but we try, amirite? New Year’s Resolutions have always struck me as an exercise in self-punishment – all that deprivation. It’s too grim!

We front-load our Januarys with several wildly-ambitious plans – to stop eating, to start running marathons, to get promoted, to cut out alcohol, etc. At the best of times, these deprivations are cruel and difficult but at the moment, twenty-three months into a pandemic, we are SPENT. We are EXHAUSTED, we’re very ground down, our hope has been worn away to dust, it feels like a long, long time since we’ve had freedom and fun and normality – and we’re proposing removing the few things that give us pleasure? This, my beloved amigos, is not the time!

The only circumstances I would countenance any of the above plans is if you genuinely feel extremely strongly about say, stopping smoking on HEALTH grounds. Or going wild swimming (Or Swimming in the Sea, if you’re my age) for the legendary Cold Water High. It may be hard, but ultimately if you think you’ll feel better in your body and better about yourself, then yes, that’s a positive thing.
But may I suggest that ONE of these ‘difficult’ changes is enough. Doing without something that usually gives you pleasure or making yourself do something that you dread is exhausting. Depriving yourself of several dopamine-providers means that you’ll run out of endurance in double-quick time and lapse across all fronts, then (if you’re anything like me, in countless Januarys in the past) feel hopeless and useless.

Here’s my suggestion: instead of removing from yourself, how about giving yourself something nice? How about taking up something enjoyable, something that might be helpful to you? Me, for example, I’m back, for the gazillionth time, trying meditation. Again, I would suggest only taking on one of these positive changes, because overloading ourselves at the coldest, most solitary time of the year, might not be a great idea.

I must admit that as well as the meditation, I’m ‘toying’ with the idea of learning crochet, because I see all these beautiful colourful blankets on Instagram and Etsy and I think, “OOOOOH! I wish I could make one of them!” I’ve actually bought some crochet hooks and wool but I’ve been so busy that I haven’t had any time to ‘log on’. Or whatever the word is? Is it ‘cast on’? Or is that just knitting?
Yes, think about something small and secret and nice that you have a curiosity about and, if you had the energy, make some enquiries about starting it. Making jewellery? Cooking something you’ve never made before once a fortnight? Allowing yourself to luxuriate in bed every Saturday afternoon, with a medium-sized Toblerone, as you watch eg Toast of Tinseltown, The Tourist or whatever you’re having yourself? Starting therapy? Planting things in pots or the ground (if you have access to a garden)? Making a promise to yourself to, every week meet up with a kind person or someone who makes you laugh? You know, something small, something that attracts you. And if it turns out it’s not your thing, then fine because now you know and there’s no need to feel like a failure at all!
If this is of any interest to you, the very funny, clever and kind Tara Flynn and I have started a podcast on BBC Sounds. It also goes out on BBC Radio 4 every Sunday evening at 7.15. It’s called Now You’re Asking and the idea is that people (indeed, you, if that was your thing) email us at [email protected] if you had any problems or conundrums you’d like us to try to solve. It’s all in strict confidence and the first show got lovely reviews. The Sunday Times called us ‘Oddly Soothing’ and Tara is definitely ‘soothing’ and I am undeniably ‘odd.’

And if you have a listen and like what you hear, we would be so delighted if you subscribed to the podcast!

As I write, it’s Saturday January 15th and Mammy Keyes, desperately missing her bridge sessions because of the latest restrictions is A) In an absolute fouler and B) Has issued an order to several of her children and grandchildren to show up at her house later to be taught bridge so that we can play it with her until normal bridge resumes.

And I swear to god, I am SO SCARED. She’s in ferocious form (entirely justified, she’s been so brave and optimistic so far, but even though it’s justified, it doesn’t make her any the less scary) and I don’t have ‘a head for cards.’ Himself is great at them, my sister Rita-Anne is TOP-NOTCH, brother-in-law Jimmy isn’t bad, Redzer the Younger is like Quick Draw McGraw, but I can see me, Hannah and Tomas (who isn’t even 2) being despatched, in no time, to Gobshite’s Corner.
But feck it! Maybe I’ll display an entirely unexpected aptitude for it!

What other news? Telly! Oh thank the lord for telly! I’m watching The Tourist and LOVING it so much. In Ireland, we’re limited it to one episode a week (those of you in Blighty are luxuriating in all-six-at-once, if you so wish.) It’s so good and Jamie Dornan is great! Did you see him in Star and Barb go to Vista del Mar? He was MAGNIFEEK in that! Utterly MAGNIFEEK! His performance in that entirely cleanses Wild Mountain Thyme from the record. Toast of Tinseltown, any takers? It’s niche, no doubt about it, but Matt Berry is so funny. If you’re interested, see if you can watch Toast of London first.

I will also admit that I’m watching The Apprentice. In general, I get cross when people talk about Guilty Pleasures, because most of these pleasures are perfectly innocent, but perhaps slightly sneered at by insecure folk who desperately want to appear cultured. But I do genuinely feel guilty about the pleasure I take in watching The Apprentice – it’s long departed from its stated purpose, to find a business partner for Alan Sugar. Instead it feels more like an invitation to be riveted by misfortunate young people, who are too innocent (or sometimes perhaps too egotistical?) to realise that they’re being had. And yet I enjoy it…

Books? Oh, mother of god! So many great books coming this year! The new Mhairi McFarlane, Mad about You, is published in April. I love her books so much!

Also in April is Louise Kennedy’s first novel The Tresspasses, is INCREDIBLE. Her short story collection The End of the World is a cul-de-sac got rave reviews when it was published last year.
Candice-Carty William’s second novel People Person is WONDERFUL. Very different to Queenie, in my opinion. This is about 5 half-siblings (1 dad, 4 mothers) meeting properly as adults, in response to a crisis and shaping themselves into a family. The tone is deceptively lighthearted, comic at times, but in the undertow we’re constantly reminded of the daily micro-aggressions that black people have to deal with and that white people are oblivious of. It’s warm, funny, sweet and political. Also out in April.

Coming in May is Louise O’Neill’s latest novel, Icon. Oh my god, it’s absolutely wonderful! Louise is always pushing boundaries. This book is very glamorous – until it isn’t. About a US self-help guru, who has ‘healed herself’ and become a multi-millionaire from writing books and doing massive events, finds the wheels coming off her glammy life, when something from her past comes out. I read it compulsively.

A I L M E N T O F T H E M O N T H

Nothing particularly thrilling this month except I have become Coldsore Girl. I was always ‘prone’ and have realised it’s quite a handy device, actually, in that it alerts me to the fact that I’m not fully well and am a bit ‘virally’. Usually after a coldsore makes its first, deceptively-innocent appearance on my chin – frequently masquerading as a small, harmless spot who isn’t planning to stick around for long – a bout of ‘not well-ness’ follows: the usual thing, you know? What we used to call The Flu and what we now call Not-Covid-But-I’m-Still-Sick – weak limbs, achey bones, a bit of a cold. Lately my coldsores have been playing a relay race – as soon as one begins to fade, leaving fecky pigmentation scars that take months to fade, another little blighter pops its tingley unsightly head up. But so it goes. What can we do and to quote Mammy Keyes ‘there’s always some poor divil who’s worse off.’ (Thank you in advance but I am already mainlining Lysine and using some beepy yoke I got off the internet. And still the blighters persist!)

And that is really all my news. I’m in a state of countdown to February 17th for the publication of Again, Rachel. I veer between terror and genuine excitement. My great fear is disappointing all the lovely people who loved Rachel’s Holiday but at this stage, a fair few bloggers and social media book people have read the proof of Again, Rachel and have been very nice about it. So I’ve decided to be hopeful. And I’d love it to be out because there are parts of the book I’m DYING to talk about but obviously can’t right now!
If you’d like a preview, my publishers are doing a thing called First Look Fridays on my Amazon page (I didn’t even know I had such a thing!) where you’ll be able to see – and hear! – the opening chapter. More will come every Friday, until the book is out in the world.

I’ll be back with one more newsletter before publication. I hope you’re well. Go easy and gently with yourself. I’m serious. Life is very draining right now. The bare minimum is what you should be asking from yourself. This is all about endurance. Anything that seems pleasurable or that might life your spirits, jump on it! Jump!

Thank you for all your loveliness to me

Lots and lots of love
Marian xxxxx

Canada!
Stomach ulcer!
I win a reward!
Old Vumman gets a new phone!

Hello there and welcome to my November news, which may be brief because I am PONCHOED. Like giantly knackered. It’s been a fabaliss Autumn, travelling the globe and meeting so many people but I am home now and the adrenaline kept me going while it needed to but now that urgency has passed, I have hit the deck.

Now, Canada! Well I was only in Toronto this visit but unlike any other visit I actually had time to experience the city and here are my overall impressions. It is
A)    Friendly
B)    Cold
C)    Humane

It was a huge surprise because I expect all ‘North American’ cities to be like New York – speedy, get-out-of-my-way-y, judgey about hair and clothing and weight. But no! They were kindly! One day Himself ‘took’ a stumble in a store and instead of stepping over him as they would in New York, concerned Toronto-ites helped him regain his balance.

Before I went I made delicate enquiries on Twitter about bringing presents and learnt to my astonishment that Cadbury’s and Galaxy chocolate enjoys an exalted status there and suddenly people were offering me all KINDS of things (mostly maple syrup tbh) if I’d bring them some Twirls or fruit-n-nut. Then! I mentioned Percy Pigs and soon I was being offered prime land to build on, ownership of a mid-sized downtown apartment block and other real estate. So! Himself and I packed an ENTIRE suitcase with Cadbury’s, Galaxy and Percy Pigs and prepared to buy up most of Toronto and crash the Canadian dollar upon our arrival.

It was WONDERFUL! We felt like Saudi Arabia must have felt after they’d discovered their oil. Or like Icelanders must feel when they visit any other country. (Like, Iceland is beautiful and all that but BY CHRIST the prices would BANKRUPT you.)

(I am joking of course about buying up Toronto and devaluing their currency. They are too nice. I wouldn’t do that to them. So I dispersed the chocolate contraband in the form of gifts. It caused serious upheaval in their stock market but it settled after a couple of days.)

I did just the one event in Indigo books and so many lovely people came – people I knew from Twitter and people who were new to me. There was brisk bartering of the confectionary.

While I think of it, here is a life hack for you: do not ATTEMPT to go shopping for clothes whilst in the grip of jetlag. Yes, this is a cautionary tale…

See, I’d spent most of September/October agonising about what I should wear in Canada and many MANY garments were auditioned, found to be wanting and returned. But when I left Dublin I was fairly sure I had the right things. However, by the time I landed in Toronto, I suddenly saw that I’d brought NOTHING wearable. NOTHING.

A panicky trip to a foncy place called Yorkdale ensued where I completely forgot who I was and what my look was and the end result was that I bought several garments that, now that I’m home, I keep staring at in bewilderment and asking, “But WHY? What on earth was I THINKING?” (I appeared to be reattempting grunge, but I can’t be certain.)

All the same, I had a wonderful time. Every single person I met veered from ‘warm and friendly’ to ‘absolutely lovely’ and my best bit was being on The Social where I met my hero Elaine Lui (you MUST read her site LaineyGossip if you don’t already because she is a brilliant and entertaining feminist who writes about Hollywood types in a fascinating way.)

She’s also written a BRILLIANT memoir called Listen to the Squawking Chicken, about the cultural implications of being brought up in Canada by her mother who’s from Hong Kong.

Other books I’ve read and loved this month are White Out by Ragnar Jonasson. It’s a crime yoke set in Iceland, over the Christmas period. Very atmospheric, it was just like going there only not as expensive.

Rich People Problems by Kevin Kwan which is GAS. It’s about really rich Asians and their fabaliss lives.

Work Strife Balance by Mia Freedman, a non-fiction book by amazing Australian powerhouse of a woman, who writes about all the pressures that are brought to bear on women, everything from our struggles with our body-image to fertility to surviving as a woman in a male-dominated workplace. I found it extremely comforting.

Now!

AILMENT OF THE MONTH 

To be honest, we are spoiled for choice! I’ve cystitis, cold sores, extreme knackeredness. But let’s circle in on ‘Gastritis, possible a stomach ulcer.’ Impressive, right? I’ve had gastritis for a long time (also a hiatus hernia) which flares up at time of strife/anxiety/worry/that sort of lark. So it being a busy time necessitating a lot of adrenaline, it has kicked off. Also the fact that I’ve been living on complete shite for the past 3 months (Diet Coke got singled out by the medic and excessively shamed and blamed) hasn’t helped. I was despatched to Canada with a prescription of uber-strength Nexium and told to drink a glass of milk whenever the pain got unbearable. The expectation is that now that I’m back and that things aren’t so lively, it’ll all quieten down in my stomach. So that’s all good then :0

 

 

 

As I write, last night was the Irish Book Rewards and The Break was nominated in the popular fiction category – and it won! And tanken yew so much to everyone who voted for it. It is a wonderful feeling to be acknowledged. Thank you again.

And now it is today and Old Vumman’s phone has been so crackly that we can barely hear her so I went to Woody’s (‘There’s no better place for DIY) to buy her a new un-crackly one and now I must leave for my quarterly appointment up at the nut-house where they weigh my brain, poke it with metal things and generally ‘assess’ me. However, I am feeling WELL. Seriously I’d take 20 stomach ulsters, a faceful of cold-sores and a 6 month bout of cystitis rather than a short go of ‘The Mads’. So all in all, everything is ‘tip-top.’

I hope you are well. Listen, mind yourself heading into the wretched Festive Season. The world won’t end if you don’t go to a party. Pace yourself. It’s like one of them assault courses, Tough Mudder and the like. Only for hardy types with stamina. Take Berocca. It’s GREAT.

Thank you for all your kindness and lots of love

Marian

 

Thank you Australia!
The Grim Redzer!
Ailment of the month!

Hello there and please bear with me as I’ve just got back from Australia and although I had a wonderful, wonderful time (more of which anon) I am jetlagged out of my mind and I know that that sentence has a bang of glamour about it (I think it’s the word ‘jet’) but ontra noo, going through it is GRUELLING and not at all glamorous.

There was a time when I’d go on a work trip and coming back I’d always have the fear that when I came home the house would have burnt down but this time I found I was hoping, just as I turned the final corner that the house WOULD have burnt down because at least then I wouldn’t have to deal with all the post. (But there would still be all the email stuff, so that would be a mad and useless thing to think.)

So yes, I was in Australia for 2 weeks and you know what? It was absolutely WONDERFUL. Thank you so so so so much to all of you who came to my ‘events’. What an honour it is to travel thousands upon thousands of miles from home and to meet so many friends. And so many years after my first book came out. Thank you to everyone who has stuck with me. Also thank you for all the presents you brought me – the Timtams, the Caramel Koalas, the Cherry Ripes, the Haines chocolates, the Jurlique products, the chocolate Magnets, the books by Australian writers and the Berocca! Also the crocheted bootees and wrap for Baby Hannah! Forgive me for not listing everything, my poor brain is like mush and I still haven’t unpacked but rest assured I am delighted and grateful for everything.

 

Also, all the media was lovely – I literally didn’t meet one snarky-arse! And I cannot tell you how rare that is. But every single interviewer on the telly, the radio and the print media was LOVELY.

I didn’t have much time off but may I tell you about a Sunday afternoon in Sydney where I took tay with not one, not two but THREE Moriarty sisters! Yes, Liane, Nicola (author of The Fifth Letter) and Jaclyn (author of Feeling Sorry for Celia and other wonderful YA novels.) And they were – as you’d expect – LOVELY. All 3 of them individually fascinating and gorgeous and collectively, powerfully charismatic. I loved them so much I seriously contemplated moving to Sydney and only that it’s so far away from the Keyesez that it means I probably can’t.

Right, where were we? Okay, can I tell you about the Grim Redzer? Yes? Thanks! Well, for the past few years, above in Dundrum, there’s been a pop-up Halloween shop for the month of October and it’s become a sort of a tradition that myself and Himself go there with the 2 lads and give them a sum of money and let them buy what they want.

When we first started going they were too young to understand how money worked and used to be thrilled when they handed in their bit of paper and got back a load of Halloween paraphernalia AND a handful of small round metal things.

Now, Redzer the Elder is old enough to add things up so he took his 20 Euro and disappeared off into the shop and returned with 19.50 worth of house decorations, which he fecked up onto the counter, along with his 20 Euro note and said words to the effect of, “I think you’ll find that that should cover it.” (How quickly they grow up.)

Redzer the Younger (younger by 2 years) had a different approach. He richocheted into the shop, on the hunt for a scythe because he wanted to go out on Halloween as the Grim Reaper. For a while he was distracted by a plastic but otherwise very convincing blood-covered chainsaw but then he found his scythe and again, although plastic, was VERY convincing. And tall. Nearly as tall as me.

To go with his scythe, we found him a grim reaper outfit and then we spent 4 to 7 minutes looking for outfits for Baby Hannah and Toddler Teddy but sadly there was nothing suitable.

Then I realised I needed a mascara (not strictly a
mascara, it’s the Estee Lauder Little Black Primer, which goes under your mascara and provides colour but no crunchiness) so I called out, “Lads! We’ve to go to House of Fraser, I’ve to get something.”

So we went down the escalator, Oscar the Grim Redzer, wearing his Chelsea kit and carrying his scythe. At the bottom of the escalator, we turned left and I said, “Lads, see that blue and gold counter shimmering in the distance, that’s where we’re going. Now we’re short on time, so lets hop to it.”

Off we set, Oscar the Grim Redzer marching at our head, carrying his scythe, the other three of us locked in tight formation around him. We were moving at speed, very much a unit, extremely focused on our goal and – I now realise – with an air of mild maraudiness about us. I should mention that Redzer the Younger has bright, bright blue eyes and has an ‘anything could happen’ kind of energy about him. We were attracting startled looks and people were jumping from our path and from a distance I could see the woman at the Estee Lauder counter with a strange, ‘Sweet Jesus, don’t tell me they’re coming for me’ look upon her face.

I effected the purchase of the Primer as quickly as I could while the lads daubed themselves in double-wear foundation and Himself watched from an amused distance and then we left.

AILMENT OF THE MONTH

For a while there I was worried I’d have nothing to offer you other than jetlag which isn’t an ailment at all really, is it. But on my last day in Melbourne, what did I get only HAYFEVER?!?! Which I’ve never had before. I don’t know why Australian summer would be different from summer in the northern hemisphere but suddenly I sneezed 8 times in a row, my eyes started streaming and my throat felt thick and swollen. I bought some anti-hayfever stuff, then I left Melbourne at 3 in the morning and all symptoms ceased and have not recurred. And while I’m glad it went away quickly and I’m sorry for those who suffer from it, I feel that at least I can tick if off my list of ‘Diseases I have dabbled in.’ All part of life’s rich tapestry, amn’t I right?

 

Now, books I’ve read! Okay, you know, The Dry by Jane Harper? It’s FABALISS, right? I loved it, and you probably know all about it because it was (still is) a commercial as well as a critical success. Well, while I was in Australia, I discovered she has a new book coming, it’s called Force of Nature and when my publicist said she might be able to get me a copy I almost gnawed her arm off with longing. And sure enough, when she turned up to collect me for that evening’s event in Beaumaris, she had it! And I almost COMBUSTED! Then off we go to a beautiful restaurant full of wonderful people for a great evening’s event. BUT GUESS WHAT?!?! GUESS WHO WAS THERE?!?! Yes!!!! Jane Harper!!! I know, right!?! Just a pure coincidence. She was so very very nice and the new book Force of Nature, oh my god. Such brilliance. From the first paragraph I was hooked. She’s such an excellent writer and the sense of place is so powerful and – in a way this is the best bit! – it’s the same detective as from The Dry, Aaron Falk!!!!!!!! (Not out till Feb in the northern hemisphere, sorry.)

I also read The Memory Shop by Ella Griffin. She’s a beautiful writer, who creates extremely moving, absorbing books. The Flower Arrangement is one of my most favourite books of all time and The Memory Shop is up there too.

The Making of Christina by Meredith Jaffe is an Australian book I also loved.

I know there must be more I’ve read recently but, like I said, my brain is mush.

I’ve tried to keep on top of Strictly while I’ve been away and here is my current stance: I think I prefer It Takes Two to the main show.

However! Before you all take AGIN me, I am not myself. I have also developed a small crush on the president of China, so you see how things are for me.

I am away to Canada in about 10 days. And remember how cross I was that my publishers said I shouldn’t go to the Mumbai Literary Festival in December? Yes? Well, they were right. That would have been too much.

I hope you are enjoying Autumn. The clocks going back is always a special time. Now we’re REALLY motoring!

I will be back to you at the end of November. Until then, mind yourselves and thank you again for all of your kindness about The Break and for buying it and all.

Lots of love
Marian xxxxxxxx

 

 

September!
The Break is published!
Birthday ‘passes peacefully’
Strictly starts!

Well! We have a lot to get through. I can barely remember the start of the month because even though September has only 30 days, they’ve been 30 very busy ones.

On September 3rd, Old Vumman and Daddy Keyes had been merrhied FIFTY-FIVE years, so there was cake and prosecco in their house, but Himself and myself had to leave the high-jinks early because we were ‘jetting’ to London. So off we went and that week I did bow-coo de interviews and was on Lorraine and Steve Wright and Matthew Wright and Channel 5 news and Front Row and spoke to many ‘print’ journalists and then ‘jetted’ back to Ireland to be on the Late Late show on the 8th and did a signing in Easons on the 9th and then the 10th was my birthday and I was pure fecking DESTROYED!

Plans had been in place that the Keyesez would come over to my gaff on the day itself (it was a Sunday) and have cake and prosecco (clearly we are an unimaginative family and only know one method of celebrating) but I was QUEASY with tiredness and begged for the day in bed and they said, right you are, we’ll do it next Friday instead.

So the next day I ‘jetted’ to Edinburgh and did interviews and then the MOST LOVELY evening event in Waterstones so many wonderful readers came – and brought me Scottish delicacies, to wit: Tunnocks Taycakes, Tunnocks caramel bars, Tablet (which is sort of like fudge, only a million times sweeter), Maracroon bars, oatcakes (always room for carbs even if they’re not sweet ones) and there was something else good – oh yes! SNOWBALLS!!! OH MY GOOD CHRISHT is all I will say.

The following day, we did NOT jet, no, we went on THE TRAIN from Edinburgh to Newcastle and at the station I met women who were going home to other Scottish cities because they had travelled specially to come to the Waterstones yoke and if I hadn’t already been feeling humbled by their kindness the previous night, I really was then. THEN I met two fabaliss young women who were ALSO getting the train to Newcastle – to see me! (Because the Edinburgh event was sold out.) And I told them that they had seen me now and could save themselves the journey but they said they’d still come…

And that journey from Edinburgh to Newcastle. Frequently I fantasise about running away to – is it called Northumbria? Or Northumberland? Like, the bit where Lindisfarne is? I’ve never actually been, I’ve just passed it on the train on various booktours but am mildly obsessed with its beauty. Then we arrived in Newcastle and I LOVE Newcastle, because I find the people to be very chatty and entertaining and oh, that ACCENT! We checked into our hotel (the Malmaison) and for some reason we were in a foncy room on the top floor (you never know what kind of accommodation will have been booked for you on a book tour, it varies wildly from night to night, sometimes you’re in a hoover cupboard above a chipper and other nights you’re in a foncy room on the top floor of the Malmaison with your own table football yoke. (Yes. I had. Himself was pleased.)

Interviews, Fenwicks, then a rather tragic tay. See, I was suddenly overcome with the exhaustion while we were waiting to go to the evening event in Waterstones and I desired a peaceful place to sit and I clocked John Lewisez and I thought, The café there would be peaceful!

So Himself and myself went and I don’t know exactly what happened but suddenly we turned into elderly people. We were fussing around each other and saying, Where are the spoons? And, Where are the glasses? Even the things we ordered weren’t our usual stuff, I believe I may have had tea – I never have tea! We were one word away from calling each other ‘Dear’.!!!! So we sat peacefully and ate our slightly grim sangwidges (it was the end of the day, it wasn’t the fault of the sangwidges) and there was no-one else there and the light was fading outside and it had started to rain and into the silence Himself suddenly said, ‘Let’s never do this again.’

And then! Off to Waterstones Newcastle for a fabaliss evening with more lovely people, again who brought many sugar-based items: chocolates from Maison du Chocolate (which is tray foncy) and many of the Percy Pig varieties. It was great!

Also on Tuesday the bestseller news had come in and The Break was number one in Ireland, number four in the UK and number two in Australia. TANKEN YEW. (This happened again the following week. Once again, tanken yew.)

Wednesday morning, we caught The Transpennine Express to Manchester. It was a trains that definitely ‘trans’ed’ the Pennines but was very very very very very un-Expressy. Still! It was fun!

Manchester was great, I’ll never get over the fact that people make the effort to come and meet me and thank you to everyone who came to all the events, I’m profoundly grateful. Also! I got to meet Terry Barlow! (You can find him on twitter @Terry_Barlow.) On Thursday we went back to Ireland. On Friday I went to the Rape Crisis Centre fundraiser, then on Saturday I went to bed and stayed there.

September!
Baby Hannah arrives!
Himself goes away and I go feral!

Hello and welcome to my very very very favourite day of the year which is the 1st of September! September the first is the gateway to all good Autumnal things – the cessation of wretched Summer, the arrival of chillier evenings, the smell of woodsmoke, walking through leaves in my new boots, and last but VERY MUCH not least, Strictly.

But first! Baby Hannah Keyes arrived into the world on August 24th (a Leo, not that I believe any of that codswallop) and you cannot believe the joy she has brought with her. We are particularly delighted that she’s a girl because frankly we’re sick of boys – the last four – FOUR! – Keyesez have been boys, it’s been seventeen long years since we got a girl (that was the magnificent Ema) and a new one is gratefully received. (Disclaimer, I am only joking about being sick of boys, you know how I love Luka and them there Redzers and Baby Teddy, who is no longer ‘Baby’ Teddy as that title has now been given to Hannah.)

And she’s a yummer, Hannah is. If Irish people said ‘bonnie’, which we don’t because we’re not Scottish, ‘bonnie’ is how I’d describe her. She’s plump-cheeked and has the most beautiful mouth and little nose and it’s all very very exciting.
I’ve had a very very very very very very busy month, ‘prepping’ for publication. (I only said ‘prepping’ there for the craic, I would never say it for reals.) Doing interviews and recording radio ads and doing filming for The Pool – do you know The Pool? Oh, you must go on it! It’s an online magazine is how best to describe it, it’s daily and they have everything – clothes and make-up and news and opinions and lifestyle and books and food and telly – and it’s all really kindly. No-one gets shamed for wearing a ridiculous dress to a fillum premeer or for getting too much lip filler or any of that other mane stuff. It’s my friend, when I feel a lot of women’s magazines aren’t.

So yes, there I was, working like the clappers, except there was a week in the middle of the month when Himself was going away for 8 days, to climb cliffs in Switzerland. And being honest with you, although I’m happy he’s his own man with his own life and all that stuff, I much prefer it when we’re both here in Dun Laoghaire, watching telly. (If there is a heaven being prepared for me, it would be me and him, lying on our couch, eating Percy Pigs, watching Strictly interspersed with Swedish/Danish/Norwegian crime yokes, for all eternity.)

He goes away on these climbing yokes twice a year and sometimes I go away too, like I went to Istanbul with Caitriona and Sean and Suzanne two years ago. But this time I took a notion that I would go away on my own! Yes, I would go away on my own to a remote spot and write and contemplate my life and go for walks on my own and I was DELIGHTED with this picture of myself. I felt mature and interesting and admirable. So I booked the remote spot (it was in Scotland) and boasted widely of my plans and people seemed insultingly surprised but I styled it out and said, “Oh yaze, well, I’m very good with my own company, yaze.”

…and then, 4 days before the off, I got the COLOSSAL fear. I am NOT very good with my own company, I admitted to myself, I am very very bad with it. I would be in a remote spot. Alone. Possibly with no Wifis! Or means of transport!

So please don’t judge me, I didn’t go. (I had to ate the cost of the flight but mercifully not the cost of the accommodation.)

I stayed in Dun Laoghaire but the thing was that many of my usual cohorts were away, it being August when the entire fecken world is on holiday, so I ended up over-pestering Old Vumman. And poor Old Vumman quickly tired of my presence and would only address me in poetry.

Example: “Mam,” I said, “Tell me something nice.”

Quick as a flash, she launched into what she calls a ‘recitation.’ “There’s a one-eyed yellow idol to the North of Kathmandu! There’s a little marble cross below the town.” She made her voice all hushed for the next bit, “Where a broken-hearted woman tends the grave of Mad Carew.” And now ominous, “And the yellow god forever gazes down.”

She was having a great oul’ time, acting out her ‘recitation’ but when I complained that she only knew sad stuff and did she know anything happy, she (angrily) changed horses mid-sentence to, “When fairies have a picnic, they always tidy up! THEY CONSIDER IT A SHAMEFUL THING TO LAYVE A BROKEN CUP, WILL THAT DO YOU?”

By the time Himself had been away for 4 days, Old Vumman had taken to pretending that she wasn’t home when I called round. But I have my own key, so I’d let myself in anyway and go into the television room, where she’d be lying on the floor with the curtains drawn and I’d say, “Get up. Entertain me!”

And she’d say, “For the love of god, Marian, you’re nearly 54! Go home to your own house!”

Yes, now speaking of 54, I will be 54 on the 10th of September and I must admit, it sounds very very old. I’ve always been comfortable with getting older but all of a sudden I’m a bit, Hold on there a minute!

The thing is that I feel about 39. Clearly I’m suffering from Age Dysmorphia. I’ve never really believed that one day I’ll die and all of a sudden, I’m thinking, “Christ, you know, I just might…”

The day of my birthday falls right in the middle of the publicity madness for The Break, I’ll be just back from London and I’ll be heading off to Edinburgh the following day, so the Keyesez will come round to the house on the Sunday afternoon for cake and Prosecco. (I have already bought Himself’s present to me, it’s a Coach bag, embellished with flowers. It’s effing BEAUTIFUL.)

Now, books I have read recently!

Tangleweed and Brine by Deirdre Sullivan. A feminist reimagining of familiar fairy-stories, in a delicious little hardback that looks like a traditional storybook. It even has illustrations. Exquisite, poetic and ominous…

The Choice by Edith Eger. Oh my GOD, lads! One of the most impactful books I’ve ever read. A memoir from a woman who survived Auschwitz, it’s about the power of forgiveness. But at the risk of sounding disrespectful, it’s also a ‘great oul’ read’, the author is a brilliant storyteller.

Since We Fell by Dennis Lehane. I read this a couple of months ago but by Christ, lads, if you’re looking for something to disappear from the world, into, this is the boy. I was GRIPPED!!!!!!

Before the Fall by Noah Hawley. Described as a ‘literary thriller,’ it’s more like a series of absolutely excellent character studies. There is a ‘mystery’ but it’s not really the point of the book. Highly enjoyable. And, of course, literary. Yaze…

There have been lots more that I’ve read but I can’t remember them, on account of my Ailment of the Month, so this will have to do for now.

AILMENT OF THE MONTH

I was worried there that I’d have nothing for you because I’ve been enjoying unprecedented good health. But in the last week, my old friend Insomnia has come a-calling! It’s the waking-up early version which is FAR nicer than the waking-in-the-middle-of-the-night version. I’m doing all the stuff you’re meant to do to combat it: regular exercisement, taking the magnesium supplements, ‘cleansing’ the bedroom of digital stuff. But this is something I’ve learnt over the years – what works for one person doesn’t always work for another. Even though – and I swear to god, little annoys me more – they will insist that it DOES work. I’m guessing that it’s pre-publication head-upheaval and what I will do is wait it out because with many ailments that’s all you can do.

So there we are! Did I tell you that Nigella tweeted something lovely about my buke? She said that it was ‘all kinds of funny, sad and true.’ I know, right!!!! Nigella!!!!!

At the end of this here Newsletter, you can read the first chapter of The Break, if you’re interested.

Details of the readings and events that I’m doing in Ireland and UK are in the Events bit of the website and as soon as I’ve details for Australia and Canada I’ll post them.

I got invited to India to the Mumbai book festival and I nearly lost my reason with excitement. I was googling Bollywood Studio tours and houseboats in Kerala even though Kerala is about 90,000 miles from Mumbai. Then I got a talking to from the grown-ups who warned me that a) I was already booked up in December, and 2) I was getting carried away and saying yes to too much and did I want to go made-in-the-head again? Sulkily I admitted that I didn’t. So no Mumbai for me…

#FeckItAnyway

Tanken yew for all your kindness, I hope you have a lovely, lovely September and I will be on to you soon. The plan was that I’d do one of these ‘missives’ every 2 months but if I’m able, I’m try and do it monthly instead.

Big kisses to you all

Marian

Mi Scuzi!
Hello, I’m back!
And so is Autumn!

Hello there, welcome to my shiny new website and I hope it is to your liking. It’s been a while since I’ve done a newsletter and my apologies for that, but the plan is that I’ll do one every two months for the foreseeable and maybe even one every month but we’ll have to ‘monitor’ things a bit. Because I feel very well in my head right now and I’m so grateful and delighted about that but I have a tendency to think that because I’m fixed I’ll never be broken again and that is not how it works, is it? So we are going to take things, not slowly, no, but at a brisk, trotting pace. But no galloping, not yet in-an-anyway.

Right! So today is August the seventh and I LOVE August because it’s the last month before Autumn officially commences and I ADORE Autumn more than I adore Prada dresses and new socks and Percy Pigs and Pasha Kovalev, which is, to say, quite a lot.

Also! This week, we will be tolt the name of the first Strictly celebrity! About bliddy-well time, amiright? What has kept them? I distinctly remember ‘learning’ of Jeremy Vine mid-July two years ago. But I am not complaining. Well clearly, I am, but shur lookit.

So what can I tell you? Well, I’ve a new book coming out on September 7th. My apologies (as always) for the length of time it took me to write it. It’s called The Break and it’s about a man and a woman called Hugh and Amy who’ve been together for 18 years and for various reasons Hugh hits a mid-life crisis (he’s 46) and wants a Marriage Sabbatical (ie 6 months off from the marriage to be temporarily single.)

I was quite proud of it until it went to the printers and then I realised it was a load of shite, but this always happens to me (and most scribers, I gather): As soon as it’s too late to change anything, the doubts start. But a good few people have read advance copies and said nice things so that will have to do me.

All the Keyesez are well. Well, well-ish – as you know, we are a family who enjoys bad health. None more than me (more of which, anon.)

We are just back from our summer holiers in a villa in Italy, in a lovely little town near Sorrento. It was fearsome FEARSOME hot but I endured it because I am very fond of my siblings and their spouses and nippers and I hid in my dark room during the day and did me scribin’ and I emerged, in the relative coolth of the evening to be fed and have the mighty craic.

The Redzers are quite grown up now – Redzer the Elder is nine and Redzer the Younger is seven. Baby Teddy is two and a half and we’re going to have to stop calling him ‘Baby’ Teddy because any day now (imminently) a new sibling for him is expected.

Teddy is GAS and is very fond of his Auntie Rita-Anne but was having trouble saying the full ‘Auntie Rita-Anne’ so he decided to shorten it to ‘Gary’. He took to bursting in to her bedroom and yelling, “WHERE ARE YOU GARY? GARY! GARY I WANT YOU!” No-one knows why he picked Gary but I feel it displays a pleasing strain of eccentricity which many of the Keyesez have.

The telly has been shite all Summer – with the exception of Love Island. I sneerily dismissed it but then Gary said she was watching it and Gary has no truck with anything distasteful or vulgar so that made me take a look – and the next thing myself and Himself were hooked! And so was Gary’s husband Jimmy.

Now about Jimmy, Jimmy is a botanist and on holidays he was reading that book about Wounded Knee and he likes documentaries and he’s THE LAST PERSON you’d think would watch Love Island.  But when I met him on Friday just gone he looked extremely sorrowful and he said to me, “How’re you getting on?” When I said I was fine, he said, surprised, “But since Love Island finished on Monday? Does your life not feel empty and pointless?” I said, no, no more than usual, anyway and he sighed heavily and said, “It seems to have hit me hardest of all…”

I’m watching and loving Game of Thrones. Also Top of the Lake which is so fabulously odd and raw and unexpectedly funny – Brienne of Tarth is HILARIARSE! And Dicte, do you watch Dicte? It’s a Walter Presents yoke on Channel 4, a Danish crime thing, but very sweet except that I’m slightly agin the daughter Rose, for being a bit of a sap. Other than that, I love them all, especially JOHN WAGNER, the poor clueless craythur.

Now books! I have read many brilliant books ‘in recent times’. Let me alert you to some of them:

• The Summer of Impossible Things by Rowan Coleman (Magical)
• Friend Request by Laura Marshall (Grippy)
• The Lie of the Land by Amanda Craig (A state of the nation novel about Britain. If a man – say like John Lancaster – had written it, it would be winning prizes.)
• I Found My Tribe by Ruth Fitzmaurice (non-fiction, exquisite writing, moving, very special.)
• The new Michael Connolly, the name escapes me (crime procedural, new character for him, a female detective, he is so very skilled at what he does.)
• Sweet Little Lies by Caz Frear (debut novel, crime/family dynamics. Great writing.)

There are more but we’ll leave it at that for now.

I’ll be doing a fair few ‘events’ in September and October in the UK, the details are here on the site.

Then also in October, going to Australia, details will be coming and in November, Canada!

Now it’s time for:

Ailment of the Month!

I expect this to be a regular feature and I hope to sport many strange and unusual ailments. This month I am thrilled to announce that I’ve been diagnosed with arthritis in my hands and feet! I’m only thrilled because it’s a little bit different from my usual ‘flu-like virus.’ Now that I think about it, I’m very worried that I might have to wear flat shoes and that CANNOT HAPPEN. Because a) vanity and b) I’ve worn high-heels for 40 years and the muscles in my calves have bunched up and shortened and my heels (my actual ones, not my shoes) haven’t touched the floor in over two decades.

Oh Naples, I forgot to tell you about Naples. After the week with my family, myself and Himself went to Naples for three days and I was excited and a bit apprehensive because more than one person (two) told me that Naples was a shithole.

And yes, on first encounter, it was ‘not-clean’ and fairly covered in graffiti and dusty and roasting and crowdy and the traffic was INSANE. Also, we were warned we’d be pickpocketed and swindled and swizzed by taxi-drivers and mugged on the metro and in fairness we WERE swizzed by our inaugural taxi-driver and I was in a fouler. But in less than 24 hours, I’d adapted to the place, I liked the energy and I found the people to be warm and kind and I quickly got the hang of the traffic, you’ve got to be ‘bold’ see, you’ve just got to step out into it and the cars and Vespas will swerve around you.

And the FOOD! Holy mother a’ Jez, the food! Pizzas, yes, of course, but other quare little cakes, which were so wonderful and which the Neapolitans are rightly proud and everywhere we went we got given free drinks and by the end of our stay I was in love with the place and I’d recommend it if you were prepared to be brave and embrace the chaos.

There are museums and galleries if you like that kind of thing. I don’t, but no judgement. I – being honest with you – like going on the hop-on-hop-off open-top bus and getting a sense of the place, as it’s lived now.

Oh I forgot! After we’d been swizzed by the taxi-driver, people told me on Twitter to talk Italian in a strong Dublin accent and the Italians would think I was Sicilian and would give me the respect. So I did! And it worked! And it was only the fact that the only Italian I speak is ‘Buona Sera’ and ‘Mi Scuzi’ (favourite phrase ever, in any language, Himself wants to correct the spelling to scusi, but I like the z) and ‘Prego’, that led to me being eventually uncovered as a non-Sicilian. But for those few minutes, I was TOTALLY channelling ‘Scary Sicilian crime boss.’ Ah, well… *Dabs eyes*

So there we are, my amigos / amici. We will talk again next month, when I will ‘address’ you on the eve of publication. Yes, I know I said this was a two-month yoke, but because of the book publication, we’ll make an exception. Also, you will get the chance to win a signed proof copy of The Break (if that’s of interest to you.)

Tanken yew for all your kindness, I hope you’re keeping well and I’ll be back in September.

Lots of love
Marian